autumn leaves

I am feeling a little sad today. It usually happens at this time of year, just before autumn. I have noticed the light, shadows and length. The leaves are turning that deep green shade before erupting into colors. And, the vegetable garden is desperately pushing product despite much cooler temps this August. It’s a last hurrah before the transition into dormancy.

It also is the time of year that my best friend revealed to me that her cancer had returned. We sat on her couch holding hands and crying. It was the unspoken moment of knowing that her life on this planet was short.

I remember the afternoon light was less vivid for a summer’s day. The lace curtains, almost still, betrayed a periodic breeze. And, a dragonfly hovered close to the window screen. It is a moment that is firmly etched in my mind. We sat together like that for a long time. Words just failed us.

It has been ten years yet my sadness occurs with the persistence of the seasons. And, I still miss her.

We grew up together and she had the status of soul sister. We had families and lived close enough to share our lives. I always felt as if she would be there to listen, to care and to laugh. We joked about retiring together to a nursing home because our husbands would statistically predeceased us. We planned on sitting in rocking chairs, cats draped on our laps, we wearing shiny earrings and ill applied lipstick. It was supposed to be a long time away.

But, like most things in life, stuff happens but not as we have planned.

I recently visited with one of her daughters. She bears a remarkable resemblance to her mother. It was as if I was there with my dear friend, chatting and laughing.

It was bittersweet.