Archives for posts with tag: relationships
Venn Diagram Truth Table

Venn Diagram Truth Table

In the past, I would do almost anything to save a relationship … even one that wasn’t in my best interest. Until, I realized how much that “bad” relationship cost me personally. How many tears, disappointments, rejections and dismissals. It all adds up to character development and a greater experience of life lessons.

That’s a nice way of saying that you learn about life from stuff that was painful.

Relationships work best when similar needs and wants intersect. Pairing a pirate with a nun is probably not going to produce a harmonious arrangement of intersecting points.

And over the last decade, I have learned that salvaging is intense. Building is easy.

What’s the Difference?

Salvaging is picking up the pieces, the dregs of what once was. Building creates form and function from anew.

Back Story: A long time ago, I bought a house built from salvaged materials. The original house was almost done with construction when a fire broke out. The builder, not having enough cash to rebuild from scratch (the house wasn’t insured because it wasn’t completed), salvaged and scrimped to get the house rebuilt. He did some interesting things that would never work in today’s building code but we are talking about sixty years ago.

The house wasn’t plumb. No corner was square. The load bearing beam had lally columns (I could go on). You get the picture? The house was pieced together with parts that didn’t fit.

The original construction did fit.

Trying to salvage a relationship based on broken pieces or parts that don’t mesh is doomed. Like the pirate and nun example, there are probably no intersecting parts. Why waste time salvaging when building new is more satisfying and will lead to better relationships?

The Big Question

You always have a choice. The question is “Can you walk away?” Will salvaging get you want you want? Or will building something new work for you? There is a price difference. How much are you willing to pay?

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I just read a pithy email from Rob Hatch, COO of The Human Business Works. With access to so much information, what do you do with it all?

Good question.

It isn’t valuable unless you use it

I’m all for pondering but it’s true. Just knowing something doesn’t add value. It has to have some application to create value. And, the hardest part is actually doing it.

I am shining a spotlight on areas in my life and business that need … no demand change. With all the data available, it’s hard to pick and chose those ideas, steps, and activities that will best move the dial for the results I want.

I read and listen to a number of people but in the process I am pruning my digital advisers. By unsubscribing from a number of emails and channels, I am narrowing down my choices to only those people who resonate with me.

The selection process

I find that I have a handful of marketing, general business, and spiritual awareness writers who offer up the best of what I perceive as good, tight and trusted information. Some of those people cross all three of those categories.

Here’s a great post on pruning your inbox by Scott Stratten. With some examples of email brilliance, the lesson is be discriminating in your connections with people regardless of the method. Business is people to people stuff.

And, finally the guy who cuts across the marketing, business and spiritual categories, Chris Brogan. Here he is doing an interview with Dan Heath about Dan’s new book Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work (affiliate link).

The interview helped me decide that I wanted to order the book and trust that I will get my outcome of information that I can apply to my life decisions. Why? Because of the quality of the interview, the types of questions asked, and the length of time I have been following Chris on the internet.

There is a lot of data out there

You read a lot of stuff but you trust only those with whom you have come to value through time with quality posts and information. You decide who gets into the funnel for your decision-making criteria. Make those people the most trusted ones in your network.

I had a childhood friend who was more of a sister to me than my siblings. We weathered a parochial school education together; navigated the sometimes hilarious straits of dating; married men of questionable maturity; co-raised our girls; and then we parted. Death does that.

We had just clicked into our fifth decade chronologically. Life was transitioning for us both. By now divorced, I was looking for a job and college hunting with my daughter. My best friend was also planning for that inevitable empty nest too but she was still married with a younger child occupying her time. We would sit together having a “cuppa” tea or a glass of wine while projecting into the future about us. It came as a quick decision one afternoon. Since statistically her husband would likely predecease her, we should arrange to eventually retire together to some home for the elderly, matching rocking chairs, cats languishing in our laps, and wearing shiny clip-on earrings in our blue-tinted hair. It sounded delightful. So us.

But cancer came for her and stayed for just about two years. Time somehow extended the days despite the tears. She requested that I write her obituary and I accepted the assignment. One brilliant autumn afternoon as we sat on her couch, she asked if I believed in heaven. I said I did not. She was unsure. We didn’t dwell on that matter as she turned the conversation to the pergola she and her husband were building in the backyard. Always the optimist.

The wake was well attended. She was an amiable woman with an edgy sense of humor, well-known for her over-the-top entertaining style and masterful culinary skills. She wore bouclé jackets with jeans and pearls. And, as I bent down and kissed her forehead, I said “Good night and sleep tight”. You never say good-bye to dear friends.

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